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Not Quite The RFWF You Remember

The crowd in the sold-out Metro Stadium is in a state of confusion. Everything they had come to know is kinda different in a way. There are everywhere saying "RFWF: Attitude", and the people are beginnning to wonder if they came to the right place.

Just then, a familiar face (Or should I say helmet?) slides into the ring. The crowd immediately becomes as quiet as they can be.

Vile: For the thousands in attendance, and the millions watching at home....LLLLLLLLet's get ready to Rumble!!!!!!!!

The crowd goes nuts.

Cain: Welcome everybody to RFWF Raw! This is good 'ole Dr. Cain here, and alongside me is my longtime broadcast collegue, the notorious Sigma!

Sigma, with headset on, turns to the crowd and waves. Nobody pays any attention to him, though.

Sigma: Well screw you, too.

Cain: Let me get right to it. I'm really excited about this new era for the RFWF. We have a new writ- owner and things sure will pick up if I do say so myself.

Sigma: Which you often do.

Cain: What was that?

Sigma: Nothing.

A familiar feral growl echoes through the arena, followed by a crack of a whip. Sable's music begins to play, and the crowd gets to their feet. Expecting to see Sable's miraculous return, they start to boo when they realize it's only Blaze.

He comes waltzing out with a championship belt around his waist and another slung around his shoulder. Suddenly realizing he's being booed, he smiles and overdramatically motions for Pulse to come out from backstage.

She strides out in similar fashion with three more belts, and the crowd roars from delight.

Vile: Ladies and gentlemen, the new owner of the RFWF, Blazing Lion!

The crowd half-cheers, because the other half is staring at Pulse hypnotically. They're all awakened by the series of pyrotechnics exploding as the duo head down the ramp.

Cain: It looks like Blazing Lion is kicking things off tonight.

Sigma: What's with those belts?

Cain: Your best guess is as good as mine.

Sigma: No it isn't, it's better.

Cain: Says you.

Sigma: Yo momma.

Cain: 'sigh'

By this time Blaze and Pulse are in the middle of the ring and it's clear Blaze wants to speak.

Blaze: Thank you Vile. 'to the audience' I bet you're all wondering just what the hell's going on. Well, The RFWF has come under new management, and a few changes have been made.

Sigma: 'in deadpan mode' Oh, really.

Blaze: One of these new changes involves these very belts that we hold.

Sigma: You think he's appointing himself champion in every field? That self-righteous .

Blaze: 'glares at Sigma' May I remind you, Sigma, I'm writing this thing and I could have you wearing a fuku singing "I'm a little teapot" if I wanted to.

Sigma: Ulp.

Blaze: That's what I thought. Now back to the belts. No, I'm not appointing myself champion in any way or form. What I am doing is setting up four matches with each victor claiming a separate title. First we have the Intercontinental match, then following will be the Hardcore, Tag Team, and finally, The World Championship. (I would've thought of cooler titles, but I love the basic WWF ones.)

Sigma refrains from saying " He's turning this place into a WWF clone", for fear of the fuku.

Blaze: I'd also like to take this opportunity to introduce the one reploid who had enough money to pull this off... 'He turns and gestures to the stage'

A low-volume guitar riff plays, followed by someone whispering "No chance" several times, until it hits a peak and almost blows out the speakers with a much louder "No chance".

Blaze: Ice Blue X!

IBX comes strutting down the ramp in an outfit that looked like she had been rooting through Reno's closet. (She probably did) She's all smiles as "No Chance in Hell" continues to play.

Cain: Ooh boy, that's all we need.

Sigma: You said it.

IBX steps into the ring and Blaze hands her the mic.

IBX: If it's entertainment you want, then it's entertainment you get! Let's get this show on the road!

Sigma: Oh, very well done. 'sarcastically applauds' That was one of the most stale things she could've said.

'Blaze gives him the evil eye'

Sigma: Ulp.

IBX: Okay, Vile, you do the honors. 'hands him the mic'

Vile: Gladly.

Blaze and IBX hop out of the ring and head over to the announcer's table while Pulse takes the belts and heads over to the timekeeper's area. (That's where the belts go during title matches, if ya haven't noticed.)

Cain: Well, it looks like Blaze and Ice will be joining us for color commentary tonight.

Blaze: 'puts on headset' Damn straight.

Sigma: Uh, I don't mean to pry, but where are the other guys we usually do commentary with?

IBX: You mean Insomniac Man and the Evil Guy? I gave 'em both the month off with pay.

Cain and Sigma: What?!? Why?!?

Blaze: Because we like them and we thought they needed a vacation. Besides, you can't have more than four commentators a night.

Sigma: We've done it before.

IBX: Yeah, well, that as then and this is now. What we say goes, so tough.

Sigma: 'groans'

DING DING DING!

Their attention turns back to the stage as "Break the Wall Down" can be heard.

Vile: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the RFWF Intercontinental Championship. First, from Houston, Texas, Y2A, The Auroran Flash!

Aurie walks down the ramp with a goofy look on her face and holding another mic in her right hand.

Aurie: Welcome, everybody, to Raw is Aurie!

The crowd cheers enthusiastically. Some have signs reading "Y2A means Yes to Aurie" or "I'm an Aurioholic"

Aurie: 'walking up the steps leading to the ring apron' As you all know, I am the Iatolah of Rock and Rollah! And when the Aurioholics want me to win a brand new, lemony-fresh IC title belt, I'm glad to say I'll never.....e-ever.....disappoint them!

Sigma: I wonder where she gets her material.

Blaze: You're walking on thin ice, chrome-dome.

IBX: Hey! No one's gonna walk on me today!

Sigma and Blaze: You blond ditz.

The music changes as soon as Aurie steps into the ring. "I know you want me" starts playing.

Vile: And her opponent. From Nibelheim of the final fantasy world, and accompanied to the ring by her best friend Aeris Gainsborough, Tifa Lockheart!

Cain: Well, well, well. Isn't this an interesting matchup.

Sigma: Aurie'll kick her ass.

Blaze: How can you be so sure of that?

Sigma: It's not exactly a secret that Aurie is like a little sister to you. Call me crazy, but I don't think Tifa has a chance.

IBX: Fuku fuku fu-ku!

Sigma: Like I said, this could go either way.

Vile: All right ladies, I want a good, clean fight. 'pumps his fist' So let's get it on!

He backs away as Tifa lunges for her adversary. Aurie steps aside and uses Tifa's momentum against her by tossing her face-first into the turbuckle. Tifa reels back after the initial blow and gets a fist slammed into the small of her back. She falls to her knees in pain, but quickly regains her composure and kicks Aurie in the gut. Winded, Aurie staggers back a couple of paces, allowing Tifa to stand and mount an offense. She lets loose a barrage of jabs and swift kicks, which Aurie is able to dodge. Tifa then unexpectedly connects with a backflip-kick that sends Aurie to the opposite turnbuckle. Tifa lands in the middle of the ring and smartly begins to cast protection spells on herself. Aurie, in turn, pulls out her beam sabre.

Blaze: Here's where it gets interesting.

Cain: Tifa will want to cast Regen to quickly heal any wounds inflicted by the sabre.

She does so predictably as Aurie begins swiping the sabre with lightning-quick precision. Tifa manages to avoid some of the blows, but ends up getting sliced up numerous times. The Regen does it's job, though, and the wounds heal rapidly. Aurie shifts strategies and counters with a back heel kick that connects with Tifa's face. The blow is so powerful it makes her do a complete 180, allowing Aurie to land another kick to the back of the head which sends Tifa to the ground. Tifa rolls with it, however, and gets to her feet in a fighting stance. But Aurie was counting on this, and methodically slices off the materia orbs in Tifa's gloves.

Aurie: No materia, no magic.

Tifa tries to stop the imminant punch, but to no avail. Aurie lands the knockout fist, and Tifa is sent sprawling to the ground.

DING DING DING!

Vile: The winner of this match, and new RFWF Intercontinental Champion, The Auroran Flash!

The "Walls of Aurora" begins to play as Aeris screams and runs into the ring. She kneels beside the fallen Tifa and begins giving her CPR and mouth-to-mouth.

IBX: Uh...I don't think.....she needs CPR.....for that type of....injury...

Cain: Uh, right.

Blaze: .....

Sigma: .....

Tifa comes around as Pulse hands Aurie the new IC belt. Aeris slowly helps her friend to the locker room as Aurie celebrates in the ring. Pulse suddenly clocks her from behind, folds up her arms, and drives her into the mat head-first.

Cain: What in the?

IBX: That's the "E.M. Pulse", her signature move.

Cain: So it is...But why?

Blaze tears off his headset and runs into the ring again. He prevents her from doing any more damage, but the message was sent.

A paramedic helps Aurie to the back as Pulse grabs a mic.

Pulse: 'to Blaze' How dare you! You spend more time with your "little katzchen" than you do with me! And you give her the title? What's with you, Blaze?

Blaze: 'grabbing a mic' If you wanted a title shot, darlin', all you had to do was ask. You didn't hafta hurt Aurie to do that.

Pulse: Well, I want a title shot!

Blaze: Next week then, it's yours. Just promise me you won't cheap-shot her again. 'throws down the mic'

He proceeds to escort her to the backstage area, the returns mments later and sits back down.

Blaze: 'putting on headset' Well, who knew that was going to happen?

Sigma: You did.

Blaze: Did not.

Sigma: Did.

Blaze: 'snaps his fingers'

A puff of smoke envelops Sigma, and when it clears, he's wearing a fuku.

Sigma: 'sings' I'm a little teapot, short and stout. This is my handle, this is my spout.

Blaze: Nah, I'm in a more jazzy mood. 'snaps fingers again'

Sigma: 'sings' There was a farmer who had a dog, and Bingo was his name-o! B-I-N-G-O! B-I-N-G-O! B-I-N-G-O! And Bingo was his name-o!

Blaze: That's enough of that. 'snaps his fingers again'

Sigma just stands there for a minute, blinking. He finally sits down as a car wreck echoes through the arena.

Vile: The following matchup is scheduled for one fall under hardcore rules and is for the RFWF Hardcore championship! First, from Syracuse, New York, Mankind!

Sigma: You're kidding.

IBX: Fraid not, mon amigo.

Blaze: When we offered him a seven-digit salary and creative control, he jumped at the chance to join the RFWF.

Mankind carries with him a 24 with barbed wire wrapped around it and a bag full of who-knows-what. He doesn't even bother entering the ring, in hopes of surprising his opponent.

His music stops and a scratchy voice yells out "EM X!", followed by a funkedified version od the DX theme. Emerald hyperactively walks out motioning for everybody to "suck it".

Vile: And his opponent, from the MMX universe, Em X!

Mankind didn't even wait for Vile to finish before he started clubbing Emerald over the head with the 24.

Blaze: That's years of experience for ya. Mankind is takin' it to Emmy before he can get of an offensive shot.

Cain: It should be noted that Emerald, being a reploid, is at least three times stronger than him and could very well end this match in only a few moments.

Blaze: Don't count Cactus out yet. He can absorb a lot more punishment than a normal person.

Sigma: Cactus?

Blaze: Didn't you read his book? Damn near everyone calls Cactus or Jack or something relating to his CJ days.

Cain: Don't count Emerald out, either. He's been preparing for this match for a long while.

IBX: How?

Cain: He's been watching lots and lots of hardcore videos.

Blaze, Sigma, and IBX start laughing their asses off.

Cain: Uh...You know what I mean.

While they were talking, Mankind was able to manuever Emerald to the top of the stage. Emmy teeters a bit on the edge of the stage, and Mankind swings the 24 one more time. Emmy ducks it and counters with a low blow. Grabbing him by the head, Emmy prepares for a superplex onto the well-placed table below. Emmy lifts Mankind up effortlessly and begins the ten-foot drop. In mid-air, however, Mankind somehow moves himself in front of Emerald into a cross-body block formation and Emmy takes the brunt of the landing, as well as 300+ pounds landing on top of him. Emmy's only winded tough, and staggers up to his feet. Mankind proceeds to grab him and throw him into the nearby wall.

They trade fists through the crowd until they reach the locker room area. Mankind picks up a chair (that just happens to be lying there) and clobbers Emerald with it several times. Mankind goes for one more chair shot, but Emerald blocks it and backhands him. Emerald then throws Mankind through the door leading to the ladies dressing area ad startles Aeris, who is giving Tifa a backrub. Mankind, although somewhat embarrassed, grabs the lotion Aeris was using and sprays some in Emerald's face. Blinded, Emmy staggers backward and throws punches wildly, hoping to connect with at least one.

Mankind kicks Emmy in the gut and prepares for a double-arm DDT, But emmy backdrops him instead. Picking up the chair Mankind dropped earlier, Emmy places it on top of his foe and drops a few elbows. As Mankind slowly gets to his feet, Emerald steps back and gets ready for a bum rush. What Emmy didn't know was that Mankind had secretly pulled out Mr. Socko and slipped it on his arm. Emerald starts to charge but is met with a Mandible Claw. Ever so slowly, Emerald drifts away from consciousness, leaving Mankind the victor.

Vile, who had been following them around, raises Mankind's hand in victory and hands him the belt.

Vile: The winner of this match, and new RFWF Hardcore champion, Mankind!

His music blasts through the stadium once again and the crowd cheers over the hard-fought win. Some have signs reading "Foley is God", which, at this point, could be accurate.

Blaze: Well, another one for the record books.

Sigma: What record books?

IBX: You mean we're not writing down the results?

Sigma: Why bother? It's in written form already.

IBX: Oh yeah.

Cain: Maybe we should focus on the next match. Blaze, Who's fighting next?

Blaze: I dunno. I'm making this up as I go along.

Sigma: Save us the stupidty act. Who's in the next match?

Blaze: We'll find out soon enough...

By this time, Mankind's music has stopped and Vile has re-entered the arena.

DING DING DING!

"You think you know me" begins to play over the loudspeakers.

Vile: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the RFWF Tag Team Champonship. First, accompanied to the ring by Rinoa Heartilly, they are the Lionhearts, Squall and Cloud!

Cain: It's quite unusual to see these two tagging up, but in the past they've been a formidible team.

Sigma: I'd hate to admit it, but it's true. Their combined amount of dumb luck astounds me.

IBX: Uh, guys....Why isn't Tifa or Aeris out here?

Sigma: They're probably getting busy- Er, I mean- They're probably too busy to come out- Er, let me rephrase that- um, too busy to give their support. Yeah, that's it.

Blaze: 'tries to hold back laughter'

As the Lionhearts warm up in the ring, X's voice starts to envelop the masses.

X: Oh, you didn't kno-ow? 'pauses for guitar riff' Yo ass better call somebody!

Cain: Hey guys, we gotta call somebody!

Blaze, Sigma, and IBX: Moron.

X: It's me, it's me! It's that one and only blue bomb-ie!

Sigma: Bomb-ie?

Blaze: Shut up. It's all I could come up with.

X: And right by my side is the Z to the E to the R to the O, the crimson ass-kicker himself, Mr. Ass!

Sigma: So that's what Zero's calling himself these days. 'chuckles'

X and Zero end up in the middle of the ring after that little intro, and the Lionhearts wisely keep their distance.

X: Okay, it's time to kick this shizz-net X-ie style! 'pauses for a breath' Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages. Degeneration X proudly brings to you it's future tag team champions of the woooooooooooooooooooorld! The Blue Bomber, Mega Man X; The crimson ass-kicker, my buddy Zero; we are the New Age Hunters!

Zero: 'grabs the mic' And if you are'nt down with that, we got two words for ya!

The crowd yells "suck it" at the top of their lungs.

Cain: That's right, we have one hell a match to look forward to between the Lionhearts and the Hunters! Both these teams want gold, and only one will walk away with it!

Sigma: Hey Cain, care to make a friendly wager about the outcome?

Cain: No frickin' way. Blaze'll probably figure out some way to screw us both out of our money.

Blaze: That's probably true.

IBX: 'not paying any attention to them' Go Cloud! Kick their asses!

X: 'gives her a strange look'

IBX: Eep. sorry, X. 'to Cloud' Uh, kick Zero's ass! 'Zero gives her the look' Um, I'll stop now.

Cloud and Zero walk up to Vile, who's in the center of the ring.

Vile: All right guys, if there's any way to cheat in these types of matches, don't do it. Otherwise I'll stomp all of your asses. 'pumps his fist' Now let's get it on!

Cloud immediately takes to the offensive by throwing powerful jabs in Zero's face, followed up by a running clothesline that damn-near flattens Zero. Cloud drops a knee onto his sternum, then steps back to get some distance for a running legdrop. Zero moves out of the way, though, and Cloud lands on his ass. Zero gets up fast and starts stomping Cloud as he gets to his feet. Holding Cloud, Zero tags X. X climbs to the top rope and dives off, nailing Cloud with a missle dropkick. Zero steps through the ropes as Cloud is sent flying halfway across the ring. Cloud Just barely is able to make the tag to Squall, and comes running in with his gunblade.

Squall starts swinging that thing at X, who narrowly avoids it. X fires a good-sized plasma blast at Squall's hands, and he drops it. He doesn't even have enough time to look up before X starts his three-punch combo. After the third, X dances a bit and clobbers Squall with a powerful elbow. The crowd screams with delight. Just then, Rinoa hops up onto the ring apron.

Rinoa: Hey Vile! Did you watch the superbowl?

Vile: 'turns to Rinoa' Hell yeah! I had two hundred bucks riding on that game!

Rinoa: Really? Which side were you betting on?

Vile: The Rams, you dumb broad.

Rinoa: Hey! I am not a "broad"!

While she distracts Vile, Cloud runs in and the two Lionhearts start double-teaming X with various manuevers including a standard double suplex, a spiked piledriver, and a whiplash DDT. Squall runs back to his corner as Vile turns around. Cloud stupidily tries for a powerbomb, but gets his ass backdropped for his troubles. X runs to the ropes and tags Zero as he's bouncing off them. As Zero steps through the ropes, X nails Cloud with a spinning heel kick. Zero then takes advantage of the fallen Cloud and pulls off a spectacular senton splash. X happens to land near the gunblade Squall dropped and picks it up. Zero pulls Cloud up from the gound and holds him as X whallops Cloud with the flat side of the gunblade.

Squall takes this opportunity to run back inand starts beating on X from behind. Somehow, Cloud slips out of there and Rinoa tosses him his Buster sword. With materia in his possesion, he casts some protecion spells on himself and Squall, and prepares to cast Ultima on his opponents. Zero stops him before he can do that with a kick to the mid-section. X is able to throw Squall over the top rope as Zero finishes off Cloud with a Fame-Asser.

After Vile checks to make sure Cloud is really knocked out, he calls for the bell.

DING DING DING!

Vile: The winners of this match, and new RFWF Tag Team Champions, The New Age Hunters!

The crowd roars with glee as the new champs are handed their belts.

Cain: Well, it didn't really live up to what I expected, but it was a good match nonetheless.

Blaze: Watch it, old guy. I'm doing the best I can.

Sigma: Yeah, like that's enough. Before you came, we were blowing up stuff and char-broiling unfaithful fans. And what's with this "Knockout" crap? Godammit, this is a deathmatch league!

Blaze: ' ' Look, Me and Icey aren't just providing entertainment, we're trying to look out for our superstars. If someone died in every fight, then who's gonna be left to fight the next night? Having them coming back from the dead would make the initial death look pointless.

IBX: Plus, we're trying to save money. I remember one night when the ring was destroyed three times in a row and most of the audience kicked the bucket.

Sigma: Saving money!?! How do you save money when you pay some half-assed wrestler ten million-

IBX: Fifty million.

Sigma: Thank you. Fifty mil- 'just now realizing how much that really is' F-F-Fifty million? Uh, how much would you pay me if I were to fight in the ring?

Blaze: Depends. How much do you make now?

Sigma: Ten bucks an hour.

Blaze: We'll make it...'Ice whispers into his ear' Eleven bucks an hour.

Sigma: 'disappointed' Oh. Never mind.

DING DING DING!

Vile: The next match is a special four-man elimination match and is for the Really Freaky Wresting Federation Championship!

Cain: Four man elimination match? This should be good.

Someone saying "Montel, is this on?" (Hey, it's my best guess. If you actually know what he says at the beginning of HHH's music, please tell me) blasts through the arena. HHH's music starts to play and Magnus steps out.

Vile: First, from parts unknown, Triple M!

Sigma: Geez, Blaze. You're going overboard with this WWF stuff.

Blaze: So what? It's fun.

Triple M walks down the isle menacingly. Some people start chanting " - , - ", but are dragged out of the arena by about fifty armed security guards.

Blaze: As long as I'm around, Triple M's a babyface. (wrestler slang for good guy)

No sooner does Magnus step through the ropes than the change of music occurs. The arena goes black. A few fans hold up lighters, as is the custom. A very familiar "bong" of a bell signifies the entrance of the next superstar.

Vile: Next, from the dark side, Gelgameth!

The ultra-hip, electric guitar version of the Undertaker's music blasts through the loudspeakers. Gelgameth appears out of nowhere and creepily makes his way to the ring.

Sigma: I suppose he's gonna be a babyface, too.

Blaze: Nope. For the sake of being fair he's gonna hafta be a heel. (slang for bad guy; but you knew that, right?) Don't worry, though. He'll get his day in the sun. Or should I say shade?

IBX: Yeah, you really should.

Gelgameth pauses on the ring steps and raises his arms, mystically turning the lights back on. He steps through the ropes as the music changes yet again. An energetic, suped-up version of "One-Winged Angel" plays.

Vile: Their opponent, from the depths of the final fantasy world, and accompanied to the ringside area by the newly crowned Intercontinental Champion The Auroran Flash, He is the mighty Sephiroth!

Everyone watches the stage, but Sephiroth is nowhere to be seen.

Sigma: I always knew he was a coward.

IBX: I don't think so, bucket-brain. Look up there. 'points to the rafters'

Sure enough, Sephiroth was there. As soon as the fans realized it, Sephiroth, along with Aurie holding on for dear life, descend from the rafters via a rigging mechanisim. They float down angelicly, and the crowd roars. When they land, Sephy rips off the mechanism and swings his Masamune around for show. Pyros at each corner explode as Aurie shows off her belt and her man.

Blaze: Now THAT'S an entrance.

Sigma: Show off.

Vile: And the final combatant, Buzzsaw the oh-so-Righteous!

"If you smeeeeeeeeeeell....What the Saw...Is cooking!"

The Rock's music blares and the response from the audience is absolutely deafining. Buzzsaw the Righteous steps through the curtain, but pauses on the stage. He has a mic in his hand, and motions to the tech crew to usic.

Buzzsaw: Finally, the Saw has come back to Metro City!

Sigma: He never left it in the first place.

Cain: Hush. When the Saw speaks, it's best to listen closely.

Sigma: Twit.

Buzzsaw: Metro City, the Saw says this. When the great one gazes upon the Jabronies that are in that very ring, he feels positvely insulted.

Cain: He's not making any friends here.

Blaze: Does he need any?

Buzzsaw: And when you insult the people's champion, you insult....The people. And when the people are insulted, the Saw says that he will personally layeth the smacketh down on each and every one of your rooty-poo candy asses!

He drops the mic as Magnus goes after him, intent on kicking his ass. They trade blows on the outside as Gelgameth and Sephiroth start things off in the ring. Sephy swings his masamune with incredible force, but only manages to tag Gelgameth thanks to his quick reflexes. Gelg pulls out his sabre and deflects an incoming swipe. They go at this for several minutes, neither showing a weakness in their defenses.

Meanwhile, The Saw and Magnus have made their way back up the ramp and are beating the hell out of each other. The Saw suddenly catches Mags with the "Saw Blade Drop", a modified version of the Rock Bottom. He then proceeds to drop the infamous "People's Elbow" on the helpless Magnus. He gets up and then leaves Mags lying there on the stage to get into the match. He jumps up onto the apron and spies the two master swordsmen, still slicing and dicing.

Gelgameth sees him, and uses an opportunity to tag him in. The Saw is happy to oblige. He immediately tries for another Saw Blade Drop, but Sephy counters with a rake in the eyes. Sephy goes for a leg sweep and knocks down the people's champ, but pulls him back up again. Throwing in a few kicks for position, Sephy hooks Buzzsaw's arms and slams him down to the canvas with a double underhook suplex. The Saw wearily gets to his feet, but is whipped to the ropes. Sephiroth tries for a clothesline, but the Saw ducks it and returns with one of his own.

Both men are down. Triple M has managed to stumble up to his corner. The Saw Blade Drop he took on the stage obviously took it's toll. Sephy crawls over to him, though, and tags him in. As soon as he hops over the top rope, though, Buzzsaw just barely squeeks in a tag to Gelgameth. Gelg gives him a boot to the gut and sets him up for the Gelgameth Piledriver, a move that has ended a few careers in it's time. Lifting him up into a powerbomb formation, Gelg slams him down onto the mat head-first piledriver style. Vile takes one look at him and tells the med team to bring him to the locker room.

Cain: Well, it looks like Triple M has been eliminated.... And I don't think Mags got in one offensive manuever.

Sigma: Ooh, he's gonna be at you, Blaze.

Blaze: Not if I can do anything about it. 'yells to the slowly-regaining-consciousness Magnus' Hey Mags! How about next week you fight Gelg; the winner becomes the number one contender!

Magnus gives a half-assed thumbs-up and is escorted to the back.

Sigma: Uh, Blaze? What if Gelgameth wins the title tonight?

Blaze: I...uh...well...

IBX: What he means to say is that Magnus will face Gelgameth next week regardless of him being champion or not.

Blaze: Icey....that actually sounded smart.

Sigma: Don't praise her, praise the teleprompter over there. 'points to camera three'

Blaze: 'reading her lines' ...less of him being champion or not. Yep, it's all there. 'to Ice' You hired a teleprompter without telling me?

IBX: Hey, hey. I just hired him five minutes ago. Don't go dissin' my fabulous teleprompter.

Sigma: 'reads lines' ...my fabulous teleprompter. 'groans'

While they were going on and on about the teleprompter, Sephiroth re-entered the ring and had flattened Gelgameth with a variety of powerful moves. Sephy is already on the top turnbuckle when their atention returns. He backflips off the top and onto Gelg, which Aurie aptly named the "Sephy Splash", to Sephiroth's dismay. Gelg tries to get up, but Sephy grabs him and gives him an implant DDT, which, sadly, knocks him out. And then there were two.

Sigma: I thought Gelgameth was supposed to be the heel.

Blaze: Ah...heh. Whatever. What's done is done.

The Saw pulls out his sabre (I'm really getting tired of beam sabres) as he enters the ring, and Sephiroth picks up his previously discarded masamune. They charge at each other, but only Sephy gets out of there undamaged. The Saw lunges at him again, and again Sephiroth connects with his Masamune. The third time around, however, Buzzsaw catches him with a Saw Blade Drop out of nowhere and both are sent sprawling to the floor. Sephy slowly drags himself to the corner and eventually gets to his feet. The Saw isn't much better off, and Sephiroth prepares for the "Touch of a God", his finisher. Sephy stomps his foot rythmically, charges at buzzsaw, and suddenly there is is a blinding flash of white light.

When everyone in the arena re-adjusts their eyes, they see Sephiroth standing over a defeated Buzzsaw the Righteous.

Vile: The winner of this match, and new Relly Freaky Wrestling Federation Champion, the Mighty Sephiroth!

Sephiroth stands motionless as Aurie dances around with both belts. The camera gets a close-up of his face and he....smiles. The jazzed-up version of "One-Winged Angel" blares throughout the arena as Aurie hands him the belt. In a great moment (and a great photo op), Sephy holds the title belt over his head as Aurie gives him a hug from behind. The crowd cheers endlessly.

Blaze: Well, he knew how to make an entrance, so it's only natural he knows how to make an exit.

Cain: What a spectacular match! It's a shame that Buzzsaw couldn't come through.

Sigma: Yeah. Now you got a bunch of people gunning for your ass, Blaze.

Baze: Hey, at least they're in the damn thing.

Sigma: That's it, isn't it? You just wanted an excuse to put your friends in a fic.

Blaze: Ah, I guess so...

Sigma: I knew it! This whole thing is a sham. I'm out of here. 'gets up and leaves'

Cain: That aside, stay tuned next week for even more action!

Blaze: That's right, next week we have Aurie vs Pulse, Triple M vs Gelgameth, and Slash vs Mankind!

IBX: What about Sephy?

Blaze: Um, I'll put him in somewhere.

Cain: Good enough for me. This is good 'ole Dr.Cain speaking for Blaze, Ice Blue X, and Sigma, saying good fight, good night.

~fin

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